Making it Last
What if Christmas weren't just one day?
THE STORM
The snow fell in sheets from the sky, covering the ground below in a blanket of colorful snow. Rather than enjoying the relief of a quiet earth covered in white, my ears worked hard to process the rustles, rips, and crumples that fought for attention. The air was not cold, but instead warm and filled with laughter.
Then almost as quickly as it began, the squall subsided.
. . .
TRADITIONS
I was in college the first time I shared a Christmas celebration in the home of my then-boyfriend, now-husband. He and his two brothers had all come home from college for the holiday, and as an only child, it was a lot of fun to be part of a larger celebration.
But wow.
What an eye-opener! I had not even opened a single present by the time the storm ended.
As you might have guessed, I come from a home where the tradition was each person taking turns and opening presents one by one — or at least this was the protocol for those who knew the truth about holiday secrets and the large man in red and white.
So I certainly was shocked when men in their 20s were clawing through presents in such a hurry. (Note: Quite awhile has passed since this event, so I admit I may have built this up a bit in my imagination.)
But you know what?
That family room had energy! There were laughs and some cross-talk as they quickly showed off a gift or two to a brother as he opened his own stack. And the “thanks, ma" comments were plentiful.
It occurs to me now, as I write this, that I never really thought to ask about this approach.
Perhaps it’s because my husband has an identical twin and a brother who is only 16 months younger than they are. I can’t IMAGINE the chaos when they were all toddlers if this was them at 20-something!
They also often receive similar presents, but different styles according to their tastes. A T-shirt might have a band, the state of Texas, or a favorite beer label on the front, depending on the year or on who is receiving it.
For that matter, I don’t know how my family settled on its ways either.
For my part, I enjoy seeing “everything.” I love watching a reaction and knowing what everyone got.
And if I’m watching, it goes more slowly.
Nana, my mom’s mom, was showered with gifts every year. Mounds of them. And she loved every one of them. Ceramic knick-knacks were removed from boxes and admired. “Smell goods” like body lotions and perfumes were passed around for everyone to take a sniff and enjoy.
She ooohhh’d.
And she ahhhhh’d.
And a couple of times, it took poor Nana HOURS to make it through those presents. (The ‘90s were a wild time of excess, weren’t they?!)
But even with our slow approach — and Nana’s living in every moment as she opened every gift — at the end of the day, Christmas was over.
THE TIME THAT ALWAYS GOES TOO FAST
In his book, “The Tao of Pooh,” author Benjamin Hoff teaches readers about the Chinese philosophy of Taoism through the characters of A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh stories.
As he discusses the concept of living with awareness and staying grounded in the present, Hoff shares an exchange between Christopher Robin and Pooh in “The House at Pooh Corner.”
“What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?”
“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best — ” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”
Hoff likens Pooh’s response to a feeling that often happens around big moments like Christmas.
”The Christmas presents once opened,” Hoff writes, “are Not So Much Fun as they were while we were in the process of examining, lifting, shaking, thinking about, and opening them.”
I really connected to this observation the first time I read it: No matter how long I tried to draw out opening all of my presents, there was always a bit of a letdown.
And it wasn’t about wanting more presents. It wasn’t about presents at all, actually. It’s because the focus of all that build up, all that planning, all that time was over. The “goal” had been met.
THE TROUBLE WITH PRESENTS
Presents are not inherently bad. Giving of oneself is a deeply symbolic act, and the joy and gratitude felt by someone when they receive a gift isn’t wrong either. A personal gift that shows the person cares — maybe even “gets” the recipient and what they enjoy — strengthens the bond and love between two people.
The trouble arises when these presents consume too much of our attention and become the “end goal” of the entire season.
I remember that as a teenager, I felt guilty when I experienced that letdown after the final package was opened. I never told anyone I felt this way because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, and it seemed childish to me.
After reading Hoff’s observation in college, it made more sense.
But even after that realization, later on as a parent — and even still now if I’m being truthful — I fall victim to that experience.
I’m always disappointed when my son opens his final present. I feel the same way when my parents open their last present for the year from me. And yes, I still feel it when I’ve finished unwrapping my own.
Why can’t I shake it? Even knowing what I know, why is this still an issue?
There are a lot of reasons. Here’s a list I came up with pretty quickly. Feel free to add your own in the comments below!
Gift catalogs from major companies begin arriving in mailboxes in early October.
The commercials and ads start appearing shortly thereafter.
The inevitable “what do you want for Christmas this year” is soon on the tongue of every parent and grandparent at every occasion or small reminder of the “big day” to come.
We spend months asking about, being asked about, thinking about, coordinating with other family members about, budgeting for, shopping for, making, wrapping, decorating, and delivering gifts.
When kids are little — and if your household “believes” in Santa — we stay up late the night before the big day so that presents can “magically” arrive under the tree and stockings can be filled.
The digital age has brought with it a lot of intangible gifts that just don’t create the feeling like we had when we used to gift albums (be they vinyl, cassette, or CD), video games, or even paper books.
We worry they won’t like our present.
We worry there aren’t enough presents.
We worry there are too many presents.
We spend a lot of money.
And there will never be enough money or presents in the world to show how much our loved ones mean to us!
We need to treat ourselves kindly. Even if we make an effort to scale back on presents and share thoughts about “the reason for the season,” the messaging and experience on every screen and every store fights us every step of the way.
So what’s the solution?
PRESENCE OVER PRESENTS
Fortunately, there are quite a few opportunities during the holiday season that don’t involve presents. A neighborhood light ride, hot cocoa on Christmas Eve, and watching “Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas” sometime during the season are a few our family enjoys each year. This year, I hope we will also add a free local holiday drone show and light walk at a nearby metro park.
Though there are certainly more activities we could pursue, we have consciously made the choice not to attempt to fit every possible winter activity into an already busy month. Making decisions about what truly captures the holiday spirit for our family and sticking to a few manageable favorites will allow us to experience a more fulfilling season overall.
Instead, spending more time looking forward to a few simple favorites and allowing ourselves to be fully present during these special moments are two strong steps toward refocusing on the season rather than a single day.
And it’s important to remember that just because something may be simple does not mean it isn’t special.
During these moments especially, our worries about those pesky presents can be placed aside for another day and time.
Still yet, the problem of presents remains. What would Hoff say?
If a “goal” is worthy, he suggests, then the process should intrinsically have
value as well.
Showing our love and gratitude for those most important to us should be a year-round pursuit. Most of the time, it doesn’t require spending money or purchasing “things” to demonstrate our feelings.
For most families who celebrate the holiday, however, Christmas involves some sort of gift-giving tradition. As established above, that practice involves a lot of time, consideration, and yes, money.
Perhaps if we lived in The Hundred Acre Wood, we might have a lighter view of the whole experience.
This is how Pooh finally answered Christopher Robin’s question about what he enjoyed even more than eating the honey:
“What I like best in the whole world is Me and Piglet going to see You, and You saying, ‘What about a little something?’ and Me saying, ‘Well, I shouldn’t mind a little something, should you Piglet,’ and it being a hummy sort of day outside, and birds singing.”
BEYOND THE HUNDRED ACRE WOOD
But we don’t live in the woods with Christopher Robin and Winnie-the-Pooh. So how do we practice mindfulness as we fight crowds and wrap oh-so-many presents?
I have a few ideas that I will be sharing in an upcoming email along with a small printable postcard for carrying with you on those all-important Christmas gift and even grocery shopping outings.
If you are interested in the upcoming tips and printable, you can join my email list here.
MAKING IT LAST
When we choose presence, we choose to fully experience the incredible life we’re already living. Instead of rushing toward the “big day” or the next goal, we return to the present, and we return to ourselves.
Wherever you find yourself this season, whether it’s in a grocery store line, under a cozy blanket, watching a squall outside your window — or even in your living room — I hope you find a season that feels a little longer and a lot more full of happy memories you and your loved ones will cherish for years to come.
How do you live more mindfully and “slow down time” during the rush and stressful moments of the holiday season? I’d love to hear from you below!